A couple of days off, before the Christmas rush starts, spent over in west Wales. A magical day at Mwnt, on the Ceredigion coast between Cardigan and Newquay. If you can get there go. If you have been, you'll know what I mean.
Sunday 30 November 2008
Mwnt
A couple of days off, before the Christmas rush starts, spent over in west Wales. A magical day at Mwnt, on the Ceredigion coast between Cardigan and Newquay. If you can get there go. If you have been, you'll know what I mean.
A nun's scrum
Before we leave all that, as always, note that it's not just the Church. Joern Utzon, the designer of the iconic Sydney Opera House (sometimes known as "The Nun's Scrum" apparently)has died at the age of 90. He fell out with the funders and authorities and the project was handed over to others. It is said that he never saw the completed building. The interior was not completed according to his plan.
It's not just the Church, but we should be setting the standards by which others' behaviour is judged. On ministry and priesthood, some really good posts lately from Anne Droid and Howard Jameson in their blogs (see right for links).
It's not just the Church, but we should be setting the standards by which others' behaviour is judged. On ministry and priesthood, some really good posts lately from Anne Droid and Howard Jameson in their blogs (see right for links).
Another one bites the dust (possibly)
Front page in a local paper in west Wales is the story of the priest who has published plans for a major re-ordering of the church, in the face of opposition from many on the town, some on the local council, and even a number of his own church council. Brave, brave man. It's one thing to take on bureaucracy and the media, but quite another to have to watch your back too. One church members comment was "Numbers are falling, so I don't see why this development is necessary!" The priest was jeered in a public meeting recently.
I have visited a remarkable town centre church in the West Midlands a number of times. A superb re-ordering, with everything one could wish for for a modern worshipping environment, except ... the priest who had the vision and battled to bring it in. He had a breakdown and left the ministry before it was finished.
BUT ... I have an Escape Strategy, and these posts will henceforth be more about that, and less about the stuff I shall enjoy leaving behind.
I have visited a remarkable town centre church in the West Midlands a number of times. A superb re-ordering, with everything one could wish for for a modern worshipping environment, except ... the priest who had the vision and battled to bring it in. He had a breakdown and left the ministry before it was finished.
BUT ... I have an Escape Strategy, and these posts will henceforth be more about that, and less about the stuff I shall enjoy leaving behind.
Tuesday 25 November 2008
This is it
Of course when I say "This is It" I don't mean that the Roar is just about one incident, or that all I'm doing is going over some stuff that happened years ago. There's an accumulation of discontent here, and it eventually builds to such an extent that it cannot be ignored. There is a diocesan matter, not involving me, and now closed, about which I have felt very strongly, but to write about it would make my situation easily identifiable, and I don't want that. Similarly, a matter concerning the behaviour of our county council about which I've had a lot to say. Once disengaged from something, it becomes very difficult to re-engage. Plus I'm quite enjoying planning my future! So enough of all that! More cheerful posts to come I hope!
Saturday 22 November 2008
It's all about control 2
More on the Church of England report “Dignity at Work” from the Church Times a few months ago (regular readers know I don’t read the church press too often, so it takes me a while to catch up!)
Rachael Maskell, the national officer of UNITE, which has 2500 members in its faith-workers section, and helped to draw up the report, said on Wednesday that it deals with about 50 cases each year involving clergy who have been bullied. “Unfortunately, it is not uncommon to find bullying in the Church, and the Church needs to respond to this. We believe it has a moral responsibility to those who are bullied.”
She welcomed the suggestion of employing harassment advisers, and said that clergy who tried to implement change were often targeted by individuals in congregations who opposed them. “The Church hasn’t always been supportive enough of individuals who have been bullied, and we hope the report will change that.”
Dave Walker’s blog suggests that the report was hard to find on the Church of England website. I wonder how many dioceses are giving it space and publicity in synods, etc, and have plans to introduce its recommendations? No sign of it on our website when I checked. Googling “diocesan harassment advisors” or “anti-bullying policies” or similar does not produce much after coverage of the release of the report and press articles. But maybe someone out there knows different.
Rachael Maskell, the national officer of UNITE, which has 2500 members in its faith-workers section, and helped to draw up the report, said on Wednesday that it deals with about 50 cases each year involving clergy who have been bullied. “Unfortunately, it is not uncommon to find bullying in the Church, and the Church needs to respond to this. We believe it has a moral responsibility to those who are bullied.”
She welcomed the suggestion of employing harassment advisers, and said that clergy who tried to implement change were often targeted by individuals in congregations who opposed them. “The Church hasn’t always been supportive enough of individuals who have been bullied, and we hope the report will change that.”
Dave Walker’s blog suggests that the report was hard to find on the Church of England website. I wonder how many dioceses are giving it space and publicity in synods, etc, and have plans to introduce its recommendations? No sign of it on our website when I checked. Googling “diocesan harassment advisors” or “anti-bullying policies” or similar does not produce much after coverage of the release of the report and press articles. But maybe someone out there knows different.
Anti-bullying Week 2008
I know of course that Anti-Bullying Week 2008 is just ending in the UK. I meant to mention it at the end of that post, but missed it off. Go to this link. There are many similar websites, many of which focus, quite rightly, on young people, but there is some relevant stuff for adults. Then there is the very brave and wonderful Andrea Adams, just featured on Radio 4 Saturday Live while I'm writing this. You can go to her website here.
Friday 21 November 2008
It's all about control
The phone rang at lunchtime. One of the church officers, to say could I go round, as she wanted a word about something. I said I would go in half an hour, as I had something to finish first. I didn’t have anything to finish. I needed the half hour in order to get myself in to a frame of mind to go over and talk to her. I spent the time in an anxious, agitated state. My pulse was racing, my heart was pounding, I was distracted and unable to think clearly. Then I went round to see her. It was a trivial and day-to-day matter, and no problem. But I had instantly seen the thing as a crisis, as a challenge, as a confrontation.
Just over twelve months ago, another church officer and I had fixed to meet to discuss some routine business. When I got there, I found we were alone in the house and he told me that he didn’t want to discuss the matters we had arranged. What did he want? He wanted to tell me exactly what he thought of me and of my ministry. And let’s just say he hadn’t taken the trouble to get me round there to tell me what a good, hard-working fellow I was. I listened, and left. I came home, laid on the bed and thought. And thought. And this is a Myers Briggs ISTJ remember. If you know your theory, you know that we catastrophise like nobody’s business. When a crisis breaks it’s nothing less than the end of the world as we know it. If you’re lucky. I carried on thinking. And then I slept. And then I got up. And I got organized.
The next day, somehow, I had the presence of mind to do at least some of the things that you are advised to do when bullying takes place in the workplace. I wrote an account of what had taken place and what had been said. I wrote a response to each of the points he had made, as I remembered them. I sent him a copy of my account and asked him to go through it and respond to it. He refused to do that and denied it all, of course. I told my other church officers what had happened, and also my bishop, and sent the accounts to them too. In no time, he was saying that none of this had happened, or if it had, he had not meant it to sound like it did, or if it had sounded like that, that was my misinterpretation of what had happened. In other words, I was to blame. No action was taken against him. He still holds the same post on the church council. I have managed to get some sort of working relationship back, for the sake of the church, but I never meet him alone.
Most bullying support groups will tell you that bullying is about two things; projection, and control. I’m sure that’s true. But it doesn’t help me either to understand, or to cope, just because I know what was going on. I was bullied at school. I’d come round the corner in the playground, and there’d be three big kids waiting to knock me flying. I had my homework taken out of my bag and torn up and trampled in the dirt. It took me a long time to get over it. You may wonder why I ended up in one of the least understood, often barely tolerated, most commonly ridiculed professions. I don’t know. I used to walk through the streets of one city where I worked, and have to listen to catcalls and stupid comments from passers-by, including once, memorably, a man walking along holding his small child by the hand. One day a tradesman took the trouble to slow his van down as he was passing me, wound the window down and called out “More tea, vicar? Heh, heh, heh!” Why? Who knows. Projection and control.
Hey, I hear you say. Get a grip. Get real. You’re not facing martyrdom or something, like so many. True. But does that make it acceptable, mean that I have to put up with it? Because I’m damned if I’m going to.
Now, those childhood incidents come back to me. I’m very angry that my past can come back at me, all these years later. Now I’m standing at the church door saying goodbye and wondering which of these people is going to have a go and wag a finger in my face because of what I’VE done making changes to THEIR church, or because they didn’t know the hymns or the sound system isn’t working properly. Projection and control again. I’m very angry that this man can think that he can behave like that, and that I can do nothing to counter his behaviour. While I might accept pastorally that the need is with him, that this is because of some problem he is facing, in my heart I am simply furious that my trust is abused, my work rubbished, my good name impugned. I would like to hit him. I have said several times that I would try to explain what this Withdrawing, this Roar is all about. This is it.
A couple of weeks ago a priest not too far from here announced to his parish that he was leaving, and stated the reason; that it had become impossible for him to stay, because of a sustained campaign against him, which included phone calls, letters and emails, from a group within the congregation. These were not anonymous calls and letters. They were bold enough to put their names to stuff. Now he is leaving, and going to a parish a very long way from here. His wife was said to have had enough of the Church, but has gone with him. Presumably they have no choice, no alternative employment, no way of finding somewhere to live. I can’t see why they would continue otherwise. Perhaps their faith is stronger than mine.
The Society of Mary and Martha at Sheldon and a number of individual researchers and writers have done the Church a great service through their work on clergy stress and burnout. I believe there is a similar piece of work now waiting to be done on harassment and bullying in ministry. If I worked in a benefits office or a supermarket or a pub, there would be a sign over the bar or by my desk or on my till: “Our staff have the right work without the threat of verbal or physical abuse”. Ministers have no such protection. Most of our church members, and our bishops/ superintendents/ superiors, have no idea that this goes on. Most would never dream of doing this sort of thing to anyone. But some do.
Helping people to understand and to challenge this behaviour is really important. If you have been bullied in the workplace, get help. Take a look at this story from Australia. My experience is nowhere near as bad. But that doesn’t make it right or acceptable. What to do? This link is a good place to start.
Since all this happened to me, the Church of England has brought out a report "Dignity at Work" and guidelines, which contains some good stuff. Doesn't look like it helped my friend down the road though.
Just over twelve months ago, another church officer and I had fixed to meet to discuss some routine business. When I got there, I found we were alone in the house and he told me that he didn’t want to discuss the matters we had arranged. What did he want? He wanted to tell me exactly what he thought of me and of my ministry. And let’s just say he hadn’t taken the trouble to get me round there to tell me what a good, hard-working fellow I was. I listened, and left. I came home, laid on the bed and thought. And thought. And this is a Myers Briggs ISTJ remember. If you know your theory, you know that we catastrophise like nobody’s business. When a crisis breaks it’s nothing less than the end of the world as we know it. If you’re lucky. I carried on thinking. And then I slept. And then I got up. And I got organized.
The next day, somehow, I had the presence of mind to do at least some of the things that you are advised to do when bullying takes place in the workplace. I wrote an account of what had taken place and what had been said. I wrote a response to each of the points he had made, as I remembered them. I sent him a copy of my account and asked him to go through it and respond to it. He refused to do that and denied it all, of course. I told my other church officers what had happened, and also my bishop, and sent the accounts to them too. In no time, he was saying that none of this had happened, or if it had, he had not meant it to sound like it did, or if it had sounded like that, that was my misinterpretation of what had happened. In other words, I was to blame. No action was taken against him. He still holds the same post on the church council. I have managed to get some sort of working relationship back, for the sake of the church, but I never meet him alone.
Most bullying support groups will tell you that bullying is about two things; projection, and control. I’m sure that’s true. But it doesn’t help me either to understand, or to cope, just because I know what was going on. I was bullied at school. I’d come round the corner in the playground, and there’d be three big kids waiting to knock me flying. I had my homework taken out of my bag and torn up and trampled in the dirt. It took me a long time to get over it. You may wonder why I ended up in one of the least understood, often barely tolerated, most commonly ridiculed professions. I don’t know. I used to walk through the streets of one city where I worked, and have to listen to catcalls and stupid comments from passers-by, including once, memorably, a man walking along holding his small child by the hand. One day a tradesman took the trouble to slow his van down as he was passing me, wound the window down and called out “More tea, vicar? Heh, heh, heh!” Why? Who knows. Projection and control.
Hey, I hear you say. Get a grip. Get real. You’re not facing martyrdom or something, like so many. True. But does that make it acceptable, mean that I have to put up with it? Because I’m damned if I’m going to.
Now, those childhood incidents come back to me. I’m very angry that my past can come back at me, all these years later. Now I’m standing at the church door saying goodbye and wondering which of these people is going to have a go and wag a finger in my face because of what I’VE done making changes to THEIR church, or because they didn’t know the hymns or the sound system isn’t working properly. Projection and control again. I’m very angry that this man can think that he can behave like that, and that I can do nothing to counter his behaviour. While I might accept pastorally that the need is with him, that this is because of some problem he is facing, in my heart I am simply furious that my trust is abused, my work rubbished, my good name impugned. I would like to hit him. I have said several times that I would try to explain what this Withdrawing, this Roar is all about. This is it.
A couple of weeks ago a priest not too far from here announced to his parish that he was leaving, and stated the reason; that it had become impossible for him to stay, because of a sustained campaign against him, which included phone calls, letters and emails, from a group within the congregation. These were not anonymous calls and letters. They were bold enough to put their names to stuff. Now he is leaving, and going to a parish a very long way from here. His wife was said to have had enough of the Church, but has gone with him. Presumably they have no choice, no alternative employment, no way of finding somewhere to live. I can’t see why they would continue otherwise. Perhaps their faith is stronger than mine.
The Society of Mary and Martha at Sheldon and a number of individual researchers and writers have done the Church a great service through their work on clergy stress and burnout. I believe there is a similar piece of work now waiting to be done on harassment and bullying in ministry. If I worked in a benefits office or a supermarket or a pub, there would be a sign over the bar or by my desk or on my till: “Our staff have the right work without the threat of verbal or physical abuse”. Ministers have no such protection. Most of our church members, and our bishops/ superintendents/ superiors, have no idea that this goes on. Most would never dream of doing this sort of thing to anyone. But some do.
Helping people to understand and to challenge this behaviour is really important. If you have been bullied in the workplace, get help. Take a look at this story from Australia. My experience is nowhere near as bad. But that doesn’t make it right or acceptable. What to do? This link is a good place to start.
Since all this happened to me, the Church of England has brought out a report "Dignity at Work" and guidelines, which contains some good stuff. Doesn't look like it helped my friend down the road though.
Thursday 20 November 2008
Well, here I am back
Well here I am, back again, later than expected, emerging from a tangle of wizened fruit and veg, bent poppies and a few wreaths. Will try to write something shortly.
Sunday 2 November 2008
I'm off!
Not much time to write after seven harvest festivals and before four Remembrance services. Dashing offup north to see mother. We made a deal when she was ninety; while she still makes the effort to have birthdays, I'm prepared to turn up. And I'll stay up on Tuesday night to see if the US can elect a truly great twenty-first century president. See ya.
Saturday 1 November 2008
More of that ...
Been revisiting my journal of 1998 again, in the course of preparing a couple of presentations on journal writing, and, if I may say so, am still pleased with it as a piece of work. I collected a lot of pieces, snippets, quotations, in the course of compiling it. Here are two more which I think still work today. First a Jewish academic on the tragedy of relations between the Children of Abraham/Ibrahim, the so-called People of the Book:
“The image I have is of three traumatized individuals walking through darkness and holding flickering candles to illumine their way; candles lit by their forebears to get them through the dark nights of the soul … three wandering pilgrims yearning to get back home, afraid that out of the darkness some old or new enemy will attack them, afraid of perpetual victimization, afraid to trust each other, afraid to trust others who might help them overcome their fear and dread. And then, suddenly, the three of them converge, and their candles illumine each others faces, and each experiences the shock of mutual recognition; in the human faces is the reflection of something mysteriously Divine, so that all three can echo the exclamation of the wounded Jacob, renamed Israel: “I see the face of God in your face”.
(Yehetzkel Landau)
And this:
“Late, and it’s starting to rain. It’s time to go home.
We’ve wandered long enough in empty buildings.
I know it’s tempting to stay and meet these new people.
I know it’s even more\sensible
To spend the night here with them,
But I want to go home.
We’ve seen enough beautiful places with signs on them
Saying “This is God’s House”.
That’ seeing grain like ants do,
Without the work of harvesting.
Let’s leave the grazing to the cows, and go
Where we will know what everyone really intends,
Where we can walk around with no clothes on.”
(Jal aladin Rumi, 1207-1273)
“The image I have is of three traumatized individuals walking through darkness and holding flickering candles to illumine their way; candles lit by their forebears to get them through the dark nights of the soul … three wandering pilgrims yearning to get back home, afraid that out of the darkness some old or new enemy will attack them, afraid of perpetual victimization, afraid to trust each other, afraid to trust others who might help them overcome their fear and dread. And then, suddenly, the three of them converge, and their candles illumine each others faces, and each experiences the shock of mutual recognition; in the human faces is the reflection of something mysteriously Divine, so that all three can echo the exclamation of the wounded Jacob, renamed Israel: “I see the face of God in your face”.
(Yehetzkel Landau)
And this:
“Late, and it’s starting to rain. It’s time to go home.
We’ve wandered long enough in empty buildings.
I know it’s tempting to stay and meet these new people.
I know it’s even more\sensible
To spend the night here with them,
But I want to go home.
We’ve seen enough beautiful places with signs on them
Saying “This is God’s House”.
That’ seeing grain like ants do,
Without the work of harvesting.
Let’s leave the grazing to the cows, and go
Where we will know what everyone really intends,
Where we can walk around with no clothes on.”
(Jal aladin Rumi, 1207-1273)
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