Since we are on our own together, I’ll let you in on a conversation between Mrs Demon and myself some time ago. Having been married for many years, I summoned up all my courage and asked, if I were to die first, if she would miss me. She thought about this for a few moments.
- Of course, she said eventually, but the dog would be a consolation.
-What dog? I said. We haven’t got a dog.
-Well, I thought I’d probably get a small manageable dog, she said.
-As a replacement? I said.
-Well, yes, kind of, she said.
-You think I can be replaced by a dog?
-Well not entirely, in every respect, of course!
-But some of my functions?
-Well, yes, I suppose so!
- A small manageable dog?
- Well, that’s what I thought.
-Can I meet the dog before I go?
-How do you mean?
-Well, can there be an overlap, a sort of handover period?
-I suppose so. I don’t see why not.
-And I’ll be able to help to train the dog?
-Well yes, I suppose so.
So that’s how it all ends. Replaced by a small manageable dog. How humiliating. And is that the period we are now entering? I feel fine. No health problems. But maybe Mrs D can see things I can’t. Is this the beginning of the end… ?
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1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk
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