Ear ear

Then Two; on Monday I went in to hospital for planned day surgery on my ear. A bit of background. Last year they thought I had a “nodule” (for which read “polyp” or even worse “growth”) on my vocal chords. This, they thought, might be the cause of speaking and singing problems. Then the next time they put the camera down – nothing! Gone! A few months after that, a little lump turned up on the outside edge of my left ear. Well, you can see where I’m going with this, can’t you? You think it’s a coincidence that this should turn up so soon after the first one disappeared? I don’t think so! The little bugger has migrated; moving around, so that we can’t zap a moving target!

The Great Man said it had to come off, as there was a slight chance that it could be a rodent ulcer, which is not very good, but not too bad, but more likely it was something a bit better, beginning with c that’s about fifteen letters, which is without a doubt better than Something Worse beginning with C and six letters.

So in I go, with all the stuff to stay the night in the event of Something Going Wrong. It turned out to be the full production; lights, sounds, costumes and quite a big cast. And you get to stay awake and watch everything! I seem to have a strangely detached approach to this sort of thing, and, from what others say, maybe a fairly high tolerance of people operating on me while I’m conscious. The local anesthetic is the most painful part; after that all you feel is discomfort, as if someone is trying to wrench your ear off. “You OK there?” they cheerily ask, to which the expected answer I suppose is “Oh yes, fine!” (that’s what I said, anyway). It’s rather like finding out about trimming a steak from the point of view of the steak. As it’s your ear, you can’t see anything, but you do hear Noises. These include metal noises, as of knives; squishy and squelchy noises, which, you realize, is stuff that is normally inside you, coming out and running down your neck; and small gun type noises, which is the sewing machine, I presume. But it’s all over in fifteen minutes, and they give you tea and toast. And that toast is one of the tastiest meals I’ve had in ages.