A Short History of the Moon

Scientists have succeeded in growing a pot of marigolds in something similar to lunar soil. I predict that this will give a kickstart to British settlement of the Moon, as there is nothing an Englishman wants more than his own little front garden with a hedge round it. This will be followed inevitably by the second front garden, and the first dispute over whose responsibility it is to cut the hedge. As the Moon is gradually covered in grass we’ll all have to join a rota to go up there and take turns to cut it. Some entrepreneur will have the bright idea of the first golf course on the Moon, followed by the first golf club, followed by the first attempt to bar aliens from using the bar because they don’t have ties. The first front garden has long since been tarmaced over to provide a parking space for the first Moon teenager’s lunar buggy, a trend that continues, which accelerates lunar warming to the extent that the Moon eventually becomes uninhabitable by humans. Take my advice. Don’t go there.